I'm devastated. My cat Misha crossed the rainbow bridge yesterday.

Misha was like a part of me. She was a really weird and special cat, she was missing a paw, she had respiratory problems and she was always looking for hugs and scratches. She had these here and there health problems that she fought so well that we didn't have to worry about her. I used to cuddle with her and she'd meow to get inside my closet or on my bed. She had so many nicknames and my sister and I jokingly fought on the spelling of her name, we called her an otter, a dragon, a horse, a rabbit, she was so kind and she showed her love every day.

She passed from a sudden illness yesterday. The day before she started showing her symptoms, she went quietly on my bed and just cuddled besides me. I think she knew. Mum took her to the vet when I had class and she told me before I went to work that she was semi-comatose and suffering, and the vet helped her slip into her eternal rest very gently.

I'm devastated and I feel like it's not real. I dread the days I'll come home and search for all 4 of my cats, only realising there are 3. I say bye and hi to them every morning and night when I leave the house and now... The house feels eerily empty. It feels like she should be there. I don't know what to do. I've been crying on and off. I feel bad for trying to not think about it and laughing with coworkers or my family today because we're still too emotional to mention anything. I held up during all my shift at work yesterday but I broke down once I got out because going home to a house without her is like admitting I won't see her again.

She was 13 but we only had adopted her 6 years ago. I hope she knew she was always loved by my whole family and I, that she helped me through difficult moments, and that I'll miss not cuddling with her into the winter. I was away for a year before this autumn — I'm consoling myself knowing I had almost three more months with her.

I don't know how to act and how to face it. If you know how to get through this, I'd appreciate any words. Thank you.